I think my vagina is haunted
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
