Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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