Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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