shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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