So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
