Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
