i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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