you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
