i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
