I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
