sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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