No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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