this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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