he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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