The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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