Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
