He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
