U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
