I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
