i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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