If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
