i was born a porn star she said
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
