there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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