I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
