Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
