Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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