Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
