i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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