whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
