When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
