Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
