Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize