Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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