i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
