hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
