Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
