I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
