There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have fence marks all over my body
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize