And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
