I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
