Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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