i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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