i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize