So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
