there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
