so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
