Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we're making bets on your personal life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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