did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
