i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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