Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize