I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
