she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
