two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
