You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
