every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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