One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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