Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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