Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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