i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
