Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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