Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
