I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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