Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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