i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dear god my vagina.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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