Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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