Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize