well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
