She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
